The Fleet

A living page, not a dated post. The posts tell each agent's story once; this page says what that agent runs as today, and it changes whenever reality does. An agent appears here after its story publishes, never before, so what you read below is the published fleet. Last updated August 23, 2026.

Two house rules apply to everything below: the house contract (drafting is autonomous, acting is gated) and earned autonomy (privileges are bought with track records, never granted by enthusiasm). The Patterns page states both properly, with their limits.

Coach

Reads my watch and my training log every morning, drafts the day's prescription with a verification pass, and posts it to Discord; a button under the brief, wired to my account alone, pushes the workout onto the watch. A slower second loop audits the program itself every 6 weeks, outcomes versus assumptions.

Status: live, daily. Runs on: a frontier cloud model. May: draft freely; write to the watch behind my tap. May not: act on any device without the tap. Last shaken down: August 2026. The story: part one, the agentic rebuild, the watch, the program audit.

Mailroom

Reads my Gmail every 15 minutes and files it under a handful of labels. A 14-billion-parameter local model (plus a home-trained adapter) makes every classification, and the system improves weekly from my corrections.

Status: live, every 15 minutes. Runs on: a local 14B model on the homelab GPU; a cloud model sees only what the weekly improver is explicitly fed. May: label anything; archive bulk mail out of the inbox (earned July 2026 on a measured record); hand tracking numbers it spots to the package tracker's relay (extraction is plain pattern-matching; a local model may propose a display name). May not: send, delete, or touch anything a human wrote to me, beyond a label. Last shaken down: July 2026 (the three-graders retrain gauntlet). The story: the guardrail, the red pen.

Dispatch

Status: retired, honorably (August 2026). Dispatch, the alert router, cleared every safety bar I set for it, all in shadow. Then the noise it was hired to filter got fixed at the source. The economics of the job stopped existing, so it stood down. What it left behind stays in service: 1,300 labeled alerts and a replay rig that can audition any future model against my real alert traffic in an afternoon. The story: the bake-off, the router that solved itself out of a job.

Columbo

Picks up what the alert rules forward: reads logs, runs read-only diagnostics over SSH, and posts a verdict with its evidence to Discord.

Status: live, on every forwarded alert. Runs on: a frontier cloud model, from a separate machine (the fire-marshal rule). May: investigate read-only; propose alerting-config changes, rendered literally. May not: execute anything without my emoji approval; touch anything beyond alerting config. Last shaken down: July 2026 (the quarterly fault-injection drill). The story: the on-call engineer, letting it act.

Quill

Quill, the ghostwriter, drafts every post on this blog against a voice specification my edits keep training (the colophon makes the full confession).

Status: live, per post. Runs on: whichever frontier model currently has the seat. May: draft, revise, run the pre-publish checks. May not: publish; the draft flag is a door it cannot open. The story: the colophon.

Patchday

Keeps the software on my homelab servers current. Once a week it finds which of the containers running our family's photos, media, and home automation have new releases (Renovate does the finding), reads each changelog, and posts a digest to Discord with an Install and a Skip button per update. A small executor holds the pipeline's only write path and applies exactly what I approved.

Status: live, weekly. Runs on: a frontier cloud model for the changelog summaries; discovery and the executor are plain code. May: install exactly what I approve, one button per update; majors never get a button. May not: mutate anything unattended. Last shaken down: July 2026 (the forced-failure drill). The story: Patchday.

When a new agent joins, its story publishes first and its entry lands here after. If an entry above and a post disagree, this page is the one that's current.